Not wanting to put any sort of downer on to the wonderful day of Valentines Day, the celebration of love between two people, I am just sparing a moment for the ones who might not feel much like celebrating. The people that have lost their loves through the process of break up in a relationship.
The after effects of a broken relationship can be devastating and can go on as long as the grieving process of losing a loved one through their passing. There is still great loss and in-fact it can be harder to deal with and let go when the focus of your love is still around. Maybe the breakup feels like it is not that big a thing to some people, maybe they haven’t got as emotionally involved as some people do as they have hardened themselves to hurt from past experience, or maybe that is just an illusion that they have painted for themselves. But, loss is loss and grief is grief. It will come out in the body in one form or another if not expressed.
When a breakup occurs it might feel like a massive rejection to at least one of the parties, as Dr Guy Winch discusses in the ‘Ted’ talk below, ‘Heartbreak’ can have a similar effect on the brain as withdrawing from hard drugs. The same receptors on our cells are used to feel the effects of drugs as are used to feel the effects of emotions. So we can literally become addicted to love.
Even the person who has been the one to reject can also have been going through the love addiction withdrawal in some cases as the reason they have split with their partner might have been from the feeling of emotional rejection, a behavioural hurt or different perceptions of the relationship. They too have suffered loss.
The addiction withdrawal that follows break up can be devastating and if the process of grief is not dealt with in either of the partners it can lead to blockages in the energy system. I will be looking more into the effects of ‘heartbreak’ on the heart chakra in the next blog.
The brain is also so effected by the overload of emotional chemicals that it goes overboard with ‘why this happened’ and ‘what caused that’ and our rational thought goes out of control.
As humans it is difficult sometimes to know if we are addicted to our idealist dreams of love, and the chemicals produced by the idea of something, or we are in love with the actual person, but i think that is also a topic for another blog.
In this blog the idea is about how we get over the feelings of loss, how we grieve without pushing the energy down into our hearts and ‘hardening’ them to future experiences.
The healing of a broken heart is not a quick fix process. The hurt and feeling of rejection is usually one of many that have built up over years of riding on that repeating cycle. The blocks can run deep and need to be dug out slowly. My personal thoughts about dealing with the pain in that moment is just to accept it. feel it, cry it through if that is what you feel like doing. Try to stay in the moment and feel the pain instead of hiding it away in what has happened in the past or what might happen in the future, or just burying it deep down.
If it does seem like a repeating pattern then this usually means it is connected to a deep root cause and this is when energy work can help to get to the root of the energy blockage. I would definitely not advise anyone to have deep energy surgery just after break up as we have to allow the natural grieving process to have chance to work, the mind is not stable enough to deal with what has been brought up as it has just experienced a traumatic event but when emotions stabilise a little then to get to the root cause can change how a person views relationships and can lead to healthier relationships in the future.
Dr Guy Winch has some good advice, below, on how to heal your heartbreak from a psychological point of view.
Try to take a moment , however sad you may feel at this time, to find
1} one person you love and are thankful for that has been in, or is still in your life.
2} And one thing you love about yourself.
Love is connection on the deepest level our love can be for friends, children, family or partners….and even…maybe….ourselves.